The Husband does not want children of the sea
Of course, your desire to take their children to rest good and necessary. And I understand how hard it is knowing this truth stand before a “closed door”. And at the same time, in any dispute both right and both wrong, but everyone in his way. So here is a very important dialogue with the understanding of the causes of failure by her husband. Probably, the husband does not listen, she listens and doesn’t hear or understand your point of view, as you possibly can. A misunderstanding occurs when the information you are trying to convey is not sufficiently available or zavualirovanno, touted aggressive or simply hushed up. All this impedes the dialogue and lack of dialogue always leads to the disappearance of mutual understanding and as a result can quarrel.
The situation about which you wrote, possibly indicating that each of you knows what is really going on with the other. Only the surface reaction – a feeling of newclient. To remedy the situation, it is very important to want to understand each other, what with each of you going. Need to try better understand each other, because when you are not proisraeli the essence of what each of you is, what is the value, the importance of each opinion, this is not clearing up and creates discontent. It is important to remember that obvious to you may not be absolutely clear to the husband and Vice versa.
Most of us never think about the possibility of the existence of the ecological rules of communication, but it exists and affects our lives. Because it can improve the quality of our communication, and clear and improve the understanding of each other and life in General. And this can be learned by following some rules that will help to correct the situation:
1. Try to start a conversation, when turbulent emotions will subside, in a relaxed, friendly atmosphere. This will significantly increase the likelihood of understanding and the possibility that he will hear You.
2. Start the conversation with the fact that You feel what is happening to You in this situation. Try speaking about the proposal to build yourself, that is what is happening to You in connection with this. For example, “when you deny me my request, I feel distrust of themselves and don’t know how you can change”, “when you’re mad at me, I’m lost and I don’t know how to fix it” and so on. Speaking about yourself, you will create a safe environment and then are more likely to be heard. After all, you are trying to explain what’s going on and then have no need to defend, off the attention and “stall”, and have the opportunity to talk about that with him now. What are its arguments.
3. Ask questions directly. Approval under the form of a question, for example, “you can think only of themselves” cause confusion and anger, and then again, understanding disappears. Try to question was the most direct:”I need you to understand why it is important for me. Could you give me to help?” Remember: please – the best way to achieve this.
4. Try to put it on the merits, avoiding ambiguities when not clear: what You want actually. Before the conversation, try to listen to yourself and understand specifically what Angers or offends You the most, what hurt You, what you would like.
5. Try to keep Your requests sounded right. Reproaches type “I mean well, and you. ” the hints are more likely to cause aggression and to nothing lead.
6. Try to listen carefully. Everyone needs attention, everyone wants to be heard. This will allow you and Your man to learn to listen to You carefully!
7. Try to find a compromise. It is impossible to communicate closely, or even more, to live together, and never to attack each other on “the patient corn”. Your plus is that you have a previous good experience to get what you want and you may use only good by filtering it from the negative.
If You start to change something in their form of communication, it will become easier for him, surely he will change and dialogue to improve.
1. All it’s important to speak. Do not expect that You will understand without words.
2. Be prepared that this scheme may not work 1, 2, 3 times. Try further. Express your feelings.
When a relationship is like a vicious circle this is similar to the scenario of the play when you know ahead what I will say and do. But as soon as one “actor” changes the text, other photoprocesses also forced to act in new ways.
It’s not easy, but possible! It is important to remember that the relationship is a laborious work, but the reultate of this work worth the effort! And the result is a compromise!
Good Luck To You!
Oleg Ivantsov Psychologist, consultant
Good day, Elena!
Most likely, Your husband is going through for You with the child, and for yourself. Fleeing with the child to rest, You go out of his control, when You are not at home, he may not feel master of the situation. And it’s his annoying, frightening. Thus he allows himself anything he wants, right?
If I understand correctly, everyone in the family decides Your husband. Do You have the right to vote? Your opinion is taken into account when making decisions? Or You for him submissive and dumb wife, and he is the king and God?
To change the situation will not be easy. And it’s not just on vacation. You have many years to let it control You, dictate to You his will, not to consider Your interests. And agreed with this. Now You’ll have to change attitude. You are not his property, You have your feelings, desires, needs. But the impression that You don’t love yourself, don’t think about yourself, and used to do the will of the husband.
You have the right to get what you want. Will You be able to start to defend their “I”? Are You ready to love yourself and to insist on respect for the husband to You, to Your needs? Or will continue meekly to abandon their desires, their joys that “the husband did not survive”?