The Children after the divorce of his parents
The children are very upset about the divorce of the parents, for them the word “divorce” means the division of family and unknown changes in their habitual life. It is clear that parents are also not easy, but the kids…they’re not to blame for the fact that the parents did not find a common language.
No matter what age was your child, psychological trauma’t be avoided. You should make every effort to help the child during this period. Often parents are so busy section of property, litigation and insult each other that they just don’t have the time nor the energy. And the child feels is not needed and not important for the parents. And the phrase “I try for you”, in such cases, it sounds ridiculous.
In this difficult period need to pay more attention to the child, even more than usual. Often talk to him, ask about his life. Mom and dad have to show that divorce shall in no way affect their relationship that parents will also love the child even after a divorce, just now you will not live together.
Never allow yourself to vilify each other in front of the kids, and set the child against the other parent. This will further exacerbate and not so easy situation. Usually after the divorce, the children remain with the mother, therefore she must be able to withstand tact in relation to the father, despite the cause of divorce. Accusations and insults in the direction of the father, which the mother tries to defend and justify his action may cause the child has two modes of behavior: or he will cease to respect, to love and hate the father, or feel a dislike to her mother and alienate her forever.
In no event it is impossible to tell the child that the father left you, even if the father has abandoned the child. Children perceive such statements in the address, they think that the father left the family because of him or her. The child in this case feels abandoned and he has an inferiority complex and self-confidence.
Often after the divorce, the children have to change not only the place of residence, and the city or even the country. In such cases, the child needs special attention, as it has lost either father or mother, and often the grandmother, grandfather and other relatives with whom had often talked, and which they have become accustomed. Plus changing school, familiar teachers, he loses friends as the school and yard. It’s all very poorly tolerated by children, and in such cases, parents should pay maximum attention and care to the child.
Not so bad yourself divorce as a period after it. That’s when problems begin. Changing habitual life. Almost all the children after the divorce of parents declining school performance, even if you have not changed. Appears aggression to parents and to their peers, or the child withdraws into himself, doesn’t want to talk to anyone, refuses to eat, walks, he begins depression. In such cases, sometimes simply can not do without a specialist. Sometimes in children, reduced immunity and have a tendency to all sorts of diseases. Often parents do not attract children attention, deal with their problems, organize their life, and children are left virtually unattended, and during this period, adolescents are in bad company, because I think that is where they understand and care about them.
If possible, try even after the divorce to keep friendly relations among themselves, or at least behave with restraint and loyal to each other. And the child will be a lot easier if you at least sometimes will be spending time together. Even if each of you will have a new family, it is important for kids to see that you have a good relationship. Because such trauma can permanently and will hide deeply in the psyche of children, and it will be hard to build relationships within their own family, they may feel intimidated to experience that nightmare again.
As the boy and the girl needs a father. The boys take from him the model of male behavior, example. They produce self-confidence, faith in themselves. And the girl learns to communicate with the opposite sex, it is important for her father’s opinion, especially praise and the father. In a normal family traits of the father, rigor. restraint, severity, and mother – affection, care, love. But after the divorce, usually the mother will have to assume the role of father. She tries to be tough and tender, but not so easy to combine such different roles. And sometimes, mothers do not manage this difficult task. In such a difficult period children need a mother’s care, love and affection, and not a requirement of discipline and order. Of course if the family has a stepfather, the situation can be stabilized, if the children find a common language with him. But that’s another story.
Take care and cherish your family, by all means try to save it, and only in extreme cases resort to divorce. Psychologists say that 90% of families can be saved, if in this process will be important for both sides and will make every effort to do so.