How to prepare your child to him?
Divorce is experienced it is hard even for an adult. This is not a joke – because crumbling family. But many families facing divorce, have children. Perhaps in your family too is this a difficult change. How to prepare your child for divorce? What to do in order for this process was held for him in the least painful? How to help?
Unfortunately, he has to protect the child from psychological pain in a divorce you will not succeed. Divorce is the destruction of his world, he has to survive the loss of a parent (and the care of the family is perceived as a loss, no less!), to adapt to a new life in a single-parent family, possibly even to survive the move to another house or another city… If you have the mental condition of the child is important, before you begin divorce proceedings, you should consult with a child and family psychologist . The specialist will help you to prepare your child for a challenging stage in life.
Unfortunately, the time for reflection and preparation for the divorce is not at all. The circumstances are different, the causes of divorce. Often divorce falls on the head of the family members as snow on the head, and do not have time and desire. Very often parents are too absorbed in their own problems to pay attention to children. Sometimes are horrible for baby things – for example, mom and dad begin to “pull the blanket” by requiring the child’s choice, who is more important to him. To make this choice almost impossible, as the child loves his mom, and dad, and most importantly, what he wants – to the horror ceased, and all was as before. Another common mistake is the failure of the parent who left the family, to see his child. You might guess that from such actions most affected are not the “culprit” of divorce, and innocent child.
So, a family perspective – divorce, and need to be ready for the child. How to do it? Undoubtedly one of the most difficult things any parent to tell the child that his parents no longer live together . This is a very serious conversation that should be mentally prepared and choose my words very carefully. Perhaps the husband (wife), caused you pain, and you wish to share your hurt with someone. Do not dare to share with a child! Remember – equally important for him and mom, and dad, and any conflict between them becomes mental trauma. The child – not the one who would be worth complaining or criticizing a spouse. Moreover, you shouldn’t convince a child that his father (mother) is bad is not only injury, but also will affect the further development of personality. What should I say? Just the facts, the less emotion. Tell me what you and dad (mom) will have to part. Thus do your best to show – this is not the fault of the child . To many it seems strange, but there is a disturbing trend: children, divorce of parents, blame themselves. They think that it is because of them there was trouble. It is therefore very important to convince the child that the abuse was not his fault that the divorce is due to circumstances which were beyond its control. If you do not pay attention to this aspect, the child may develop an inferiority complex, neurosis, suicidal tendency.
All the time try to be sympathetic, or at least smooth the situation in the relationship. Scandals affecting the emotional state of the child. And he in this period, something quite different: to know and be confident in the fact that, despite all, mom and dad its still like.
One of the most difficult problems – decision with whom the child will live after the divorce. The vast majority of cases, the child remains with the mother. Unfortunately, this is difficult in our country takes the court, often not taking into account the wishes of the child. To facilitate this point, you must mentally prepare the child for what he will live either with my mom or with dad. Every parent has something to give to the child.
One of the most delicate and complicated aspects of divorce – is it possible to allow the parent who left the family to see the child. Often he expects a ban on communication caused by excessive resentment, unresolved conflict. If you do not want to let your father (mother) to the child for this reason – you are making a big mistake . Your child has lost his much – but such actions you take his last opportunity to communicate with one of the dearest people in the world. But there are cases when such refusal is well founded. For example, if the separation had become alcoholism, drug addiction, violence or anti-social behaviour one of the parents. In this case it is better to limit the communication of the child with the parent, but the child should explain why. This conversation is complex, it is important again to avoid sharp estimates and attempts to convince the child that he has a bad father (mother).
It is impossible to divorce her husband so as not to cause the child pain. But how deep this pain, and how well he will cope with it, greatly depends on you, the parents. Whatever you do, no matter what – remember that every gesture and every word is imprinted on the personality of your child.
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